A note to myself 10 years from now.

I've always loved writing letters. I think that it helps me process emotions, I suppose sort of like blogging over here does as well. So I wanted to write myself a letter, for future me to look back on.

Corona virus as a business owner.

Currently the situation is as follows:

I have had five events and two projects rescheduled, which means that all of my business income this month is as of this moment - nonexistent.

I don't say this for you to pity me or feel bad, I say this so that you understand exactly what the majority of small business owners are going through at the moment. Whether it's a lack of customers wandering the streets and into stores, or whether it's needing to pay rent next month with no clue where finances are going to appear from, that's the reality we are in. Whether it's just a business of one, or whether it's a company with multiple employees - it's a stressful time to be a business owner.

The Depression Edition: THE STORY

THE DEPRESSION EDITION:

To kick this off, I'm diving deep. I don't do surface relationships, I don't do small talk and I take pride in being open and honest in all things, always. So here's the introduction to todays topic: depression.

I started struggling with depression and anxiety at age thirteen. I hated myself and my reflection. I would look at myself in the mirror and cry because I didn't want to be reminded of my existence. I heard so many voices in my head, convincing me of what a shitty person I was, that I was convinced I was going insane. That meant I pushed everyone close to me away, to "protect" them.

This all sounds ridiculous writing this now, but that was my reality.

Multiple times I even contemplated jumping off of the roof at my workplace, but every time I got close to making that decision, someone showed up. I now know that this was immense grace and protection over my life, but at the time - it felt like my pain was being prolonged.